More therapy from the allotment

Sunday was a BAD day but somehow I was able to pick up a pen and notepad and write what was happening as it was happening an in so, kept the screaming voice and the self harm thoughts inside my head. I wrote...

"Staring into the middle distance, barley able to speak; I was slightly rocking still, even after the medication. The only things that I could think of that might help were sleep or the allotment. It was difficult to get my body to move never mind climb the stairs but I bloody did it and in 15 mins we were off. 
Toby got terribly excited and was squeaking and squealing like a pig to get going - he is so enthusiastic.
The day was bright with bits of blue sky, though the ground was still very saturated from recent downpours = wellies."

There was joy in abundance as we drove up to the parking space - new horse manure and of course, Toby has to pee on this tuft of grass every time he arrives at the plots :)

It was the paths just as one walks onto the plot that made me itchy to get to it right away. I took my 'before' photograph of course and by then the shed was unlocked and I got my gloves and bucket - to work! (gosh it looks so cold but it didn't feel it)

For Andrew the sight of a new load of horse manure was what got his heart racing and he worked on clearing and mulching the back beds and basking in the glory of the wee damson tree's new little buds.

Back with me and Toby at the over end of the plot I was straying from the paths and getting into the last bed to be cleared. I ripped out the blotted chard plants - only 2 of 4 and weeded like crazy, especially round the wee leeks.

We said we would only be there an hour but when the time came up I begged Andrew to stay a little longer and he couldn't say no. We got last bits done and I took some photos and I felt OK (that's good/happy for a 'normal' person). I couldn't believe it; standing there with mud all over me and in my hair (I am so messy!), my nose dripping and not able to feel my face, haha - it had gotten cold quick BUT  there was also a complete absence of tension or screaming in my head. - Hurrah

Looking at the sun setting over the field, I had turned the day around (with help from Andrew) and my Sunday had been worth living...

Hugs for all - I love you dear reader
Carrie