January has pushed me hard about, shoved me into a puddle and used me as a stepping stone up to now. I can't believe it's February and I feel utterly defeated. Depression has a really strong grip on me and is pulling down into the darkness. I'm feeling suicidal and I'm scared. Yes I did some lovely hikes (thank goodness for The Ulster Way) and had a special dinner out but basically the pain of life has lead me to choose sleep over being conscious of the hell I feel I'm in.
Detachment is becoming a way of life; I do it to protect myself whilst I spend so much time alone, often going days not hearing a thing from anyone but Andrew. Now I'm detaching from reality even when in company as it is just more comfortable.
Writing is hard, everything is hard and I may be missing for a little while. I will still be on Instagram if you're interested but this beloved blog may suffer for a little while, bear with me.