Saturday, 2 February 2019

So now it's February?

horizon and shadow - Carrie Gault 2019

January has pushed me hard about, shoved me into a puddle and used me as a stepping stone up to now. I can't believe it's February and I feel utterly defeated. Depression has a really strong grip on me and is pulling down into the darkness. I'm feeling suicidal and I'm scared. Yes I did some lovely hikes (thank goodness for The Ulster Way) and had a special dinner out but basically the pain of life has lead me to choose sleep over being conscious of the hell I feel I'm in.

Detachment is becoming a way of life; I do it to protect myself whilst I spend so much time alone, often going days not hearing a thing from anyone but Andrew. Now I'm detaching from reality even when in company as it is just more comfortable.

Writing is hard, everything is hard and I may be missing for a little while. I will still be on Instagram if you're interested but this beloved blog may suffer for a little while, bear with me.

 Hugs
Carrie x
on
Labels:

12 comments:

  1. Anne3 February 2019 at 05:21

    Carrie! We are all pulling for you, praying you will weather this storm and find some light and joy again. Hugs hugs hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie3 February 2019 at 21:16

      Thank you so much Anne. I thought I'd closed the ability to comment on this post, I'm glad I didn't now - your words have helped xxx

      Delete
  2. Flighty3 February 2019 at 13:41

    Hopefully as winter recedes you'll feel better. Thinking of you, take care and hugs. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie3 February 2019 at 21:17

      Thank you sweet Mike. I hope this big dip is down to the winter getting on top of me. I have my doubts but then I'm in it at the moment xxx

      Delete
  3. Sue Garrett3 February 2019 at 13:54

    I’m so sorry that you are going through a bad patch., just hang on to the fact that it will get better,

    ReplyDelete
  4. Diana Studer3 February 2019 at 18:51

    Rougher to deal with that when it winters very.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie22 February 2019 at 18:33

      winter truly does make life harder to cope with xx

      Delete
  5. Carrie3 February 2019 at 21:19

    Thank you Sue, your words mean a lot right now. I've been really battling. I'm so glad of other's positivity. Many hugs xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Celia Hart8 February 2019 at 08:21

    Take care Carrie, soon you'll see spring flowers and sunshine xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie22 February 2019 at 18:32

      thank you so much for you comment - I'm only seeing it now but it's giving me hope xx

      Delete
  7. Ronnie10 February 2019 at 08:19

    There's always someone to hear from, here if you need/want it. Xx

    ReplyDelete

Please leave a little nugget of happiness in the form of a comment - don't forget to put your name at the end if using 'anonymous' setting x

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)