Saturday 2 February 2019

So now it's February?

horizon and shadow - Carrie Gault 2019

January has pushed me hard about, shoved me into a puddle and used me as a stepping stone up to now. I can't believe it's February and I feel utterly defeated. Depression has a really strong grip on me and is pulling down into the darkness. I'm feeling suicidal and I'm scared. Yes I did some lovely hikes (thank goodness for The Ulster Way) and had a special dinner out but basically the pain of life has lead me to choose sleep over being conscious of the hell I feel I'm in.

Detachment is becoming a way of life; I do it to protect myself whilst I spend so much time alone, often going days not hearing a thing from anyone but Andrew. Now I'm detaching from reality even when in company as it is just more comfortable.

Writing is hard, everything is hard and I may be missing for a little while. I will still be on Instagram if you're interested but this beloved blog may suffer for a little while, bear with me.

Hugs
Carrie x

12 comments:

  1. Carrie! We are all pulling for you, praying you will weather this storm and find some light and joy again. Hugs hugs hugs.

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    1. Thank you so much Anne. I thought I'd closed the ability to comment on this post, I'm glad I didn't now - your words have helped xxx

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  2. Hopefully as winter recedes you'll feel better. Thinking of you, take care and hugs. xx

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    1. Thank you sweet Mike. I hope this big dip is down to the winter getting on top of me. I have my doubts but then I'm in it at the moment xxx

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  3. I’m so sorry that you are going through a bad patch., just hang on to the fact that it will get better,

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  4. Rougher to deal with that when it winters very.

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    1. winter truly does make life harder to cope with xx

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  5. Thank you Sue, your words mean a lot right now. I've been really battling. I'm so glad of other's positivity. Many hugs xx

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  6. Take care Carrie, soon you'll see spring flowers and sunshine xx

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    1. thank you so much for you comment - I'm only seeing it now but it's giving me hope xx

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  7. There's always someone to hear from, here if you need/want it. Xx

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