Last week I was blessed with a couple of good days! OK, they weren't all laughter and loving life but they were good and I felt something akin to contentment. We went back to Fermanagh again to finish that section of the Ulster Way; camping and hiking ('Thru Hiking').
I have lots to tell you about it and many photos - it was a true adventure and now the whole of Co. Fermanagh has been marked as 'done' on our map :)
BUT since then I have been a wreck, a shadow of a person, barely able to walk or talk, make decisions or think straight for longer than 10 mins at a time. PAYBACK. Payback is something I face every time I have a good time; it's like karma, like I'm paying for the privilege by redressing the balance again and get back to my 'normal' miserable self. Though to make sure I've learnt from the mistake of darning to be happy, the payback is long, hard and at times very frightening.
There's a good article about Payback here from Psychology Today, in relation to any chronic illness.
I have so much I would like to do but here I am fighting another day and trying to just get through - boy does time move slowly in these periods.
I'll be back as soon as I can; I guess I'm stubborn like that 😉
Carrie x
I have lots to tell you about it and many photos - it was a true adventure and now the whole of Co. Fermanagh has been marked as 'done' on our map :)
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There's a good article about Payback here from Psychology Today, in relation to any chronic illness.
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I have so much I would like to do but here I am fighting another day and trying to just get through - boy does time move slowly in these periods.
I'll be back as soon as I can; I guess I'm stubborn like that 😉
Carrie x
Highs and lows - they happen, what ever level or depth of either. Sometimes they are just a shadow - a niggle - a twinge - then others - the dark hole you fall into and have to crawl out. Some are easy to ride out - others require time out - either way - sending hugs and looking forward to the next gentle good days x
ReplyDeleteThis one is coming to a close I think, I hope. I have spent so much time resting and sleeping that I feel stronger in my body at least. I just have to ride it out, day by day when it comes to my mental health. You are so empathic - thank you xxxx
DeleteHi sweetie ... I so know what you mean ... my slump seems to be yawning so far ahead of me I am wondering when I will be able to get out again. I can't imagine how you do these backpacking adventures but hold on to those wonderful times in your head and savor them .. right now I am trying to do the same thing .. I'm thinking of you ! rest up !
ReplyDeleteJoy, my dearest, i am so sorry you aren't improving. I can only hope that with rest you too will feel the slightest bit better each day. So sorry I haven't been writing, it is so hard to get the words right.
DeleteREST, even though it's hard xxxx
Keep being stubborn, Carrie. Don’t let payback win!
ReplyDeleteThank you sue, I have been doing okay today! Take that Payback :)
DeleteI'm sorry to read that life is being such a roller-coaster at present. Take care. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm doing all I can - resting, eating well, drinking my weight in water and pratising yoga. I do feel a little stronger today xxx
DeleteYou can do it Carrie! You have had some amazing adventures! xxxx
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU! More to come, now I'm running way behind one my stories, haha. More hiking tomorrow, fingers crossed xxx
DeleteCatching up and going to read your hiking posts next.
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